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Divorce is an extremely emotionally complex situation. You may been through a trial, custody proceedings, fights, and many other tribulations. You need to gather strength everywhere you can to keep from being overwhelmed and broken by the pain. Here are 5 things to do after your divorce to keep on top of your life.
Focus on the Positive
As comedian Louis CK said “Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce.” His joke is effective because it contains an important truth: you got divorced for a reason. Be thankful that you no longer have to put up with whatever it was that was keeping the two of you so unhappy. Your life is yours alone now. Did you hate the music he listened to? The music is gone now. Did you practically have a stroke at the sound of her sister’s voice? Her sister’s voice is gone now. There are lots of good things about being single. Take advantage of them.
Cultivate Close Friendships
You’ve probably already done some of this. Don’t let it end. Your friends have been there for you through this whole thing. Let them know you appreciate it. Stay close. Go out to fun events. Relive your youth (although make sure you don’t get sucked into a reckless midlife crisis). Isolation is dangerous for anyone, especially for someone like you, who has recently gone from constant companionship to your current state.
Keep Your Family Around
Like your friends, your family have likely been on your side through all of this. Divorce means losing a family member. Keep the others close. In most cases, your family knew you before you met your ex, and now they’ll know after you’re through. Strong familial connections can keep you from becoming overwhelmed by loneliness and stress.
If Possible, Maintain Friendly Ties With Your Ex
This is, of course, not always realistic advice. Again, the two of you split for a reason. But if your ex is a decent, tolerable person, you would do well to maintain a cordial relationship. This applies doubly if you’ve got kids together. The kids will be happy to see the two of you at peace, and this could serve as an opportunity to teach them important life lessons about conflict resolution. Even if you don’t have kids, a friendly relationship will keep the memories you built together from being too painful.
Make Another Change
If your new life is too similar to your old one, it might remind you too often of the old days. Maybe now’s a great opportunity to make that move you always wanted to, or to change careers, go back to school. You probably based many life decisions around your previous relationship; take a fresh look and see what’s available to you now.
Don’t Give Up!
You’ll feel pain. Depression may rear its ugly head from time to time. You’ll falter. When it happens, don’t give up. You’re not a failure just because things didn’t work out. You’ve made a bold decision, and you’ve stuck to it. Keep moving forward.